You're Pregnant!...Now what?

As more days begin to pile up between giving birth and the present, I find I am forgetting what it is like to be pregnant (not labor, whoever says you forget that is a filthy liar).

I don't want to forget what it is like to be pregnant because people like to ask me a lot of questions about pregnancy, labor and delivery, etc. This may or may not be because I have way too many (totally awesome) resources when it comes to all things baby.

I also spent way too much time on the internet researching all things baby while preggers. As my father put it, "You know way too much about this. You aren't supposed to know all this. If women knew all this, they would never get pregnant."

There is some truth to that statement, but I am a fierce lioness (I am woman, hear me roar), so all the terrible things I learned about childbirth didn't phase me (much). They actually aren't terrible, it just hurts a lot. Most people already know that anyway, I just knew a lot of the science behind it. For me, knowing exactly what my body was going to do and why gave me a sense of control.

In the end, I had the natural childbirth I wanted. Again, LIONESS. ROARING. Even if I didn't have the childbirth I wanted, I would still be roaring because I made a tiny human and brought her into the world.

Anyway, back to the point. Everyone knows childbirth is hard. We don't call it Sit Back and Sip a Beer, we call it Labor. It is work.

Pregnancy is a whole different kind of difficult. From the instant you announce your pregnancy, you become a magical unicorn.

You do not want to be a magical unicorn. Here is why.

1. You become public property. 

People will want to touch the belly. I didn't start to show at all until 24 weeks, and I did not look like a true pregnant person until a little after 30 weeks.

Didn't matter.

People wanted to touch my flat stomach, my slightly poochy stomach, and my super pregnant stomach.

Strangers, friends, family - everybody - will want to touch The Belly. You are pregnant (you magical unicorn, you) and for some reason, everybody wants to horn in on your pregnancy.

Don't get me wrong, sometimes it is nice to bask in the glow of pregnancy. If you've given the ok, then by all means, let that person rub the belly. I'm talking about the uninvited belly rubber.

You can fend these people off in a variety of ways. Here were my go to's:

"Thanks for rubbing my chipotle burrito bowl. I needed help with the digestion." (This one works best when you aren't really showing yet).

*Reaches out and rubs their belly in return* 

"I've tried that too, but no Genie ever appears. Rude."

*KARATE CHOP* Ok, so I never did this one, but I definitely jerked away if the belly rubber was a total stranger.

2. You are not allowed to complain about anything.

I mean, you can try, but you are not likely to get the sympathy or help you are looking for. Here are some of the gems I got when I dared to complain.

"Pregnancy is such a beautiful time! Don't waste it complaining about [heart burn, aching back, nerve pain, rib displacement, constant need to pee, whatever ails ya']." I suppose I will just suffer in silence. Next time you get a hot flash, I'll remind you that this a beautiful season of your life (you are about to have no more periods!) and you shouldn't waste it complaining about your menopause symptoms.

(That obviously only works when it is a middle aged woman. You can try it on a dude I suppose, but don't expect stellar results).

"You do know what caused this pregnancy, right?" Nope, haven't a clue. Pray, do tell?

3. You will receive a ton of unsolicited, out-dated advice.

And you will have to listen to it. At first, you can try to argue. You can take all your science and research and stand your ground.

It is never worth it. Then you will have to explain yourself a million times and no matter how good of a job you do, the person will always come back with this:

"Well that's how we did it back when I was raising kids, and they all survived."

Yeaaaaaaah. Because the only goal in childrearing is that they don't die. I mean, that is a pretty big one, but I think I would also like my child to thrive with as little mishap as possible.

Your best bet in this situation is to nod and smile. Nod. And. Smile. It will save you so much time and aggravation.

Find more funny on Tumblr

4. Pronouns are about to get super annoying.

"WE'RE PREGNANT!"

"We're expecting!"

No, "we" are not.

We are not experiencing heartburn from hell. We are not waking up every 10 minutes to pee. We are not getting kicks in our ovaries. We are not abstaining from wine, soft cheese, deli meats, and a variety of other foods. We are not waddling. We are not going to feel the pain of labor and delivery.

I AM DAMMIT.

Hilarious images like the above here.

In my husband's defense, he never claimed to be living my pregnancy. Some special snowflakes from the collective human race, however, seem to think this pregnancy thing is a 50/50 experience.

Puh-lease. It is more like 90/10 with the preggo taking on the lion's share (because we are lionesses, remember?).

The whole 50/50 thing doesn't happen until childbirth. Then it is "our" baby. Until then, this pregnancy is mine. Do not diminish my amazing feat of growing a human. I am full of hormones and I will damn well eat you.

Speaking of hormones...

5. Your hormones are out to get you.

You will laugh, cry, and rage within a nanosecond. Hormones are a cruel mistress and turn any sane woman into a nutjob at the drop of a hat.

An example: I made the mistake of watching a clip of a dog watching the end of Homeward Bound when Champ crests the hill and everyone is united. The reunion turned me into a wibbly, sobbing mess. I was so happy that I could not stop crying.

Another example: My husband likes to leave little piles of clothes everywhere. The struggle is real. It irks me when not pregnant. It enraged me while carrying our child. Hell hath no fury like a woman who spots a little pile of clothes next to the hamper, let me tell you. (Spoiler alert: my husband survived the pregnancy.)

Housewives, working wives, all wives know.

Thankfully, upon giving birth, you will cease to be a magical unicorn. You will become a mommy and the only reason people will visit you is to ignore you and hog your baby. Good luck!

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Note: If you can't tell this is mostly satire, we can't be friends. Just saying.

7 Months Old—World Peace Declared: Tea Party Wins

Wait, what?

Not that kind of Tea Party. The more fun kind with actual tea cups instead of crack pots. Tea parties will most definitely save the world from destruction. Who can be angry when there are sweet baby smiles and tiny tea cups?

She had to get dressed up first

She had to taste the tea cups before she could be certain about her feelings toward them

After much consideration, baby E decided she likes tea parties 

All in all, a successful tea party

Also, baby E is seven months old! She's getting so big :( Why do babies grow up so fast?

Some updates on baby girl:

Food Likes: Sweet potatoes, prunes, squash, chicken and rice
Food Dislikes: Peas, bananas
New Activities: Drinking from a sippy cup, scooting around the house backwards on her tummy, trying to crawl, trying to feed herself

She is a little chatter box now too. Always babbling away about (I assume) her grand adventures. She says mama when she is upset and wants to be held/fed and she said dada once.

She's been teething for months, but it has kicked into overdrive. Excessive drooling, biting, gumming of anything she can get her hands on, etc. It gives her some super grumps by the end of the day. Poor baby :(

We also got her ears pierced (as you can see in the tea party pictures). She did not like that one little bit, but now she doesn't notice they exist.

She's recently discovered the cat. I'm pleasantly surprised by how well behaved Nona is with her. Nona is a giant scaredy cat and usually hisses and runs away when she gets scared. Nona made the mistake of wandering up to E and sticking her butt in her face (how nice, Nona). E immediately grabbed a fistfull of fur in one hand and Nona's tail in her other. It only took a few seconds for me to disentngle the two, but Nona sat calm as could be through the whole thing.

Speaking of cats, there is a stray orange cat that wanders the neighborhood. It's very friendly and comes up to the house when I call Nona in at night. It tries to come in our house actually, it's cute and kind of sad. I asked around assuming someone owned it, but I was told it's a stray. I haven't seen it in a few days, so I'm hoping somebody took him in.

House Update

This last month has been insane and it is finally winding down. Hubs got home in mid July and then we went on vacation and visited family for the last half of August. Then we sold our car, got a rental, moved across the country, bought a new car, found a house, and moved in over the course of a week.

E did about as well as could be expected on a cross-country journey. Nona hated it and let us know her feelings the entire journey.

The house is unpacked, but we still need to hang up photos and curtains in some rooms. It is a 5 bedroom 3 bathroom house, so we have plenty of room for visitors. Here are some pictures supplied by the realty company.

Front of the house

Main living area upstairs. 

Kitchen

Dining area in kitchen.

Stairs down to basement.

Basement living area.

Different view of basement living area.

This is a picture I took from the backdoor in the kitchen.

It's so nice to finally live in civilization again. Camp Lejeune was a hole. In our new home we are three miles from a major shopping center, 8 miles from another ridiculously oversized shopping center, and fifteen minutes from hiking trails. This location is a vast improvement over our last, but it has the major drawback of being on the other side of the country from the bulk of our family.

Easy Breakfast Skillet

It's been awhile since I posted a recipe, and this one was too good to pass. It's great because it only requires one dish (a skillet, duh) and tastes awesome. It's also highly versatile, so feel free to throw in different veggies or meats (or take out the meat entirely to make this vegetarian friendly). This recipe yields two servings.

Ingredients

• 3 small bell peppers (red, orange, and yellow) or one large bell pepper (any color)
• 2 red potatoes
• 2 slices of turkey
• 1/4 of a Vidalia onion
• 1/3 cup cheddar cheese
• 1/2 tbsp coconut oil
• Spices: thyme, pepper, and salt

Directions

Dice all of your ingredients.

Add the coconut oil to your skillet and heat it up, then add your potatoes. Sprinkle with thyme, pepper, and salt to taste. 

Brown the potatoes over medium high heat, then add your remaining ingredients. Sprinkle with more salt and pepper if so desired.

Reduce heat to medium, and continue cooking until the turkey browns and the veggies get soft. Add half the mix to a small plate. My husband also wanted scrambled eggs, so I added his half to a larger plate to accommodate the extra food. Sprinkle each plate with half your cheddar cheese. 

Hubs used the same skillet to make his scrambled eggs. He used 4 eggs and added some salsa and mozzarella. 

Truncated Directions

1. Dice all ingredients
2. Brown potatoes, add spices to taste
3. Add remaining ingredients, add more spices if desired. Continue cooking until turkey is browned and veggies are soft. 
4. Plate and sprinkle with cheddar

Nutrition Information

	Calories	Fat	Carbs	Sodium	Fiber	Sugar	Protein
Bell Peppers	60	0	8	0	1.6	8	2
Red Potatoes	220	0	52	0	4	2	6
Turkey	60	4	0	420	0	2	8
Onion	16	0	4	2	0.8	0	0
Cheddar	110	9	0	180	0	0	7
Coconut Oil	60	7	0	0	0	0	0
Total	526	20	64	602	6.4	12	23
Total per serving	263	10	32	301	3.2	6	11.5

6 Months Old: Sitting up Like a Boss

Baby girl turned 6 months old on Thursday! We've tried some solids and she scarfs them down. My squee pig pig. It certainly makes for some interesting diapers (more on that below).

Around 5.5 months, baby E started rolling over from back to front. She's been doing front to back rolls since she was 5.5 weeks old (hmmm 5.5 theme going on here), but back to front is a lot harder for babies.

She also sits up without support now! She's been doing that for about a week :) She is so much happier now that she can sit up and play with her toys.

Baby girls weighs about 18 pounds. That puts her in the 82nd percentile for weight. So chubbers. I love me a chunky baby ^_^ She also did some serious growing length wise, but I haven't been able to measure that yet (a wiggly baby is also an uncooperative baby).

Beach Babe

Baby girl had her first trip to the beach last week :) She didn't seem too thrilled with the ocean, but she greatly enjoyed splashing in her baby pool. She did great on the beach though. She loves to people watch (who doesn't?) and was content to hang out in her bouncy chair with her new favorite toy: an empty water bottle. Hahaha.

Hanging out in the baby pool with grandpa

Learning to drive at the OBX.

We found some hilarious sunglasses.

We climbed the dunes (I love my ErgoBaby carrier).

Little shade roof  for the sweaty baby.

My mom and dad were on vacation too, so they helped us with baby girl. The hubs and I got to go on a couple of baby-free dates, which was awesome :D We also ran into a teacher both hubs and I had in high school. Such a small world.

And now for some new mom survival tips.

More New Mom Survival Tips

1. You will lose all the hairs. 

All of them. It started to happen to me around 4 months post partum and has just started to slow down a bit. Now I have a billion little tiny baby hairs growing in their place.I have a weird frizzy halo all around my scalp. So strange looking. Oh well. Try not to panic, you aren't balding.

2. Starting solids means disgusting diapers. 

My daughter was EBF until we started letting her try solids. Within a matter of days her poops began reflecting this change in diet. Breastfed babies tend to have yellow, mustardy poops. They don't have as foul of an odor as regular poop and it's way easier to clean.

Now with the solids we have epic blow outs and baby clothes soaking in the sink to avoid horrendous yellow stains. She also grunts when pooping since it's much more solid now. It's kind of hilarious to look over at my baby and see her get this serious look of concentration and then suddenly let out a weird grunt. It's probably not as funny for her though since her digestive system is getting used to solids.

Regardless, brace yourself. Gross poop is coming.

I-I-I I Workout

Hubs got super into lifting while deployed, so naturally he wants to make me do it too haha. Basically, I'm super weak sauce. My max bench press is 70lbs and my max deadlift is 120lbs. At least I can deadlift more than my weight?

Anyway, we ultimately ended up doing leg day. I just used the bar for this (45 pounds) because I can't figure out the hang clean thing to save my life hahaha. Hubs didn't want to add more weight until I can figure that out.

5 sets of 5 front squats with 10 burpees in between each set

Repeat 3X (first round I held a 22 lb weight, then dropped to an 11lb weight for the last two):
30 lunges (15 each leg)
15 sumo squats
25 tuck jumps

2mile run

That workout took about 46 minutes and burned 506 calories, haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. My legs were a wee bit dead

Hold Your Babies, Mamas

The last week has been filled with heartbreak. A family friend recently lost their baby; he was about a year and a half old. I only know this family by name, but being a mother is a bond that reaches through space and time.

I cannot imaging losing a child, losing my baby. I have wept for this family more times than I can count. I prayed and I screamed and I sobbed for this family.

If there is one thing I learned from this tragedy, it is to truly cherish every moment I have with my daughter. Tomorrow is not gaurenteed. I have heard people say to not coddle my baby, to not rock her to sleep--that I'm spoiling her if I do.

I never paid those people much mind--she is my child, not theirs, after all--but now more than ever, I will rock her to sleep. I will cradle her face and soak in as much of her as I can.

My heart hurts so badly for this family. I cannot bear to think about it. So I write instead.

Mama

My body aches for you mama
I clutch my little one to my chest
and I cry into her hair
for as long as she will let me

My heart has screamed for you
because this is bitter and wrong
A mother should never have to bury a child
A mother should never have to bear that kind of parting

Each night that I rock my child to sleep
I imagine the last time you put yours to bed
Not knowing it was really the last time
Not knowing that goodnight would become goodbye

I wonder what color his pajamas were
and if they were his favorite
I wonder what he thought about
and if his hair still smelled like shampoo

I do not know you, mama, we have never met
But this weight in my chest is agony
There is sorrow that burns beneath my ribs
I do not know you mama, but we are bound by name

We are mama
We are the name screamed in the night
to wipe away tears and soothe bad dreams
I can't imagine the nightmare you wake to each day

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Please help this family if you can.