Friday, June 20, 2014

If Books Were Beers

Sometimes I get these ideas that I am quite sure will be The Next Big Thing. These ideas are usually terrible and amuse only me.

For example: Replacing all uses of the word Beauty with Booty in famous movies and books:

Booty and the Beast
Sleeping Booty
American Booty
A Great and Terrible Booty

I still think this is hilarious, but perhaps not great for sharing in social situations. So instead, I present to you the Booty spin-off series: If Books Were Beers.

 

Harry Porter and the Half-Brewed Pints


Voldemort is tightening his grip on both Muggle and wizarding world pubs. Harry suspects that dangers may lie within his own brewing kit. With sub-par ingredients and inaccurate brewing instructions, just how far will Voldemort's treachery go?


Life of IPA


 The IPA is about to embark on a new and dangerous journey. Shipwrecked at sea, the mighty IPA finds himself alone with a Hefeweizen, an Imperial Stout, and a Bloody Mary. When the fighting begins, who will be the last glass standing?


The Bock Thief

 

The Amber Stein-Glass


 The amber stein glass is in terrible danger. Faction upon faction is searching for it, to drink from it's secret knowledge. Once consumed, the glass will be an empty chalice, doomed to collect dust forever more. It's safety lies in the hands of two children.

Spoiler alert: They drop it.  Womp, womp.


Orange Shandy is the New Black


Shandy is the new girl on the cell block. Locked up for the totally minor infraction of masquerading as a Blue Moon, Shandy will have to learn to navigate a sea of citrus if she wants to survive this ordeal.


The Audacity of Hope: Thoughts on Reclaiming the American Pale Ale


This is Barack Obama's call for a new kind of Pale Ale; a better kind of Pale Ale; a more red, white, and blue kind or Pale Ale. It is a fascinating read on the international politics behind how the American Pale Ale made its comeback and the diplomatic maneuvering that was required to do so. 


The Chronicles of Near Beer: The Last Bottle


Back during the tyranny of prohibition, a horrible beverage rose to prominence: the near beer. With less than 1% alcohol, near beer was meant to take the place of the true beverage we all know today. This novel follows the sinister history of near beer from it's inception to it's decimation by the repeal of the absolutely ridiculous 18th amendment. Sadly, near beer still exists these days, but it is surrounded by its more robust and superior brethren as a constant reminder of its marginalized status. 


About Samantha Bookwalter

Google+
Samantha Bookwalter is currently Associate Web Content Manager for Health Supplement Wholesalers. She specializes in web editing, copyediting, SEO, HTML, CSS, and other web-related acronyms. Samantha has an affinity for health and fitness; in her free time she enjoys working out with her husband and researching recipes that are not only healthy but delicious too.

Tuesday, June 17, 2014

How to Make Pot Stickers - Thug Kitchen Style

For those of you who don't know Thug Kitchen,  HOW DARE YOU. Fix yourself, immediately.

For those of you who do, enjoy.

You know when you go grocery shopping like a grown ass adult, and you buy TV dinners fresh produce to provide your body with nutrients like the beast you are? Ever seen those little wonton wrappers next to all the vegan shit?

Yea, those sons of bitches.

I've been eyeballing them for awhile now and finally bought some. And let me tell you, using those little fuckers is tedious. If you only have thirty minutes before your Hangry sets in, make some other shit for dinner.

Pot Stickers

To make 8 pot stickers, you will need:
  • 1 chicken tender
  • 2-3 green onions
  • wonton wrappers
  • A small cup of water 
  • Salt and pepper (for taste)
  • 1 tsp olive oil
Prep
  • Grill your chicken. Once cool, shred it into very small pieces.  You can use two forks or just your bare sausage fingers. Not sure what the hell I'm talking about? Follow these instruction.
  • Dice your green onions. Chop those bitches up something fine or your pot stickers won't fucking end well.
  • Mix the onion, chicken, and salt and pepper in a bowl.
Now, set out a wonton wrapper and scoop about a teaspoon of the mix into the center. More than that, and those little fuckers won't seal. Wet the edges so they will stick together when you fold them.

Now fold the wonton into a triangle and squeeze the air out like that bitch talked bad about your mother; press the edges together firmly.

Now starting on the left corner, fold the edge over slightly every half inch or so all the way around the open seam. Otherwise, your pot stickers will puke their insides all over your frying pan.
Once you finish your pot stickers, heat a teaspoon of olive oil in a pan. Add your pot stickers and cook 1-2 minutes on each side. Watch those squirrely motherfuckers though, they'll burn into poisonous black plumes of death.

When they are nicely browned, add 1/3 of a cup of water (step back, it's gonna pop and fizz all over the damn place), lower the heat, and cover until the water is absorbed.

Here is the final product. I made pot stickers and baked ravioli because I am a BAMF. I'll post the ravioli directions soon.

Nutrition information

CaloriesfatSodiumFiberSugarProteincarbs
8 Wonton wrappers160.537011631
Chicken25.12531.250060
Green Onion500.5.501
Olive oil404.500000
Total2305.125401.251.51.51232
Per serving (4)1152.5625200.625.75.75616


About Samantha Bookwalter

Google+
Samantha Bookwalter is currently Associate Web Content Manager for Health Supplement Wholesalers. She specializes in web editing, copyediting, SEO, HTML, CSS, and other web-related acronyms. Samantha has an affinity for health and fitness; in her free time she enjoys working out with her husband and researching recipes that are not only healthy but delicious too.